Gaming for Laughs

Love and laughter on the Caribbean Princess

Marriage and mirth. How could they do that, we can’t help but wonder. And yet, they do. Cruise after cruise, there’s always couples who don’t mind—nay, they clamor—to share their inner most secrets with a hundred or so of their fellow travelers.

And, of course, we’re more than willing to listen—and laugh the whole hour through.

The “Newlywed Game”—for those of you old enough to remember—is alive and well on many ships, albeit under a different name and with some questions that would never have made it on prime time.

And what fun it is! Three couples, married for different lengths, volunteer to show us how much (or little) they know about each other. One spouse is asked a question and the other must guess what he or she answered while the rest of us watch them stumble and squirm.

In case you haven’t guessed, this is adult entertainment only. Just witness some of the questions: “What’s your wife’s bra size?” “Who among your wife’s friends or family would you least like to be stuck with on a desert island?” Where’s the most unusual place you’ve ‘done it’”?

As buzz is making this show a legend, get there early as seats go fast. It’s well worth it; guaranteed, you’ll leave with a smile on your face (and swearing to your companion you’d never be caught dead on that stage).

The show before you become the show, Quest on the Allure

On a quest for chaos. Quest is another only-for-the-grownup set. This show on a lot of ships is what can best be described as a scavenger hunt, but what you’re looking for is on the bodies sitting next to you. Which gives you an idea of what this game’s like.

Everyone—including even you, innocent bystander—breaks into teams, picks a captain and then braces for what comes next. Finding someone with a tattoo was one of the tamer ones. (Tattoos must be displayed for proof.)

This can get quite raucous, so it’s not for everyone. And definitely, leave your kids in the cabin.

Truth or consequences. The cleaner of the three game shows, “The Liar’s Club” puts three crew members up on stage to practice their poker faces on the rest of us. The emcee throws up an obscure word not part of most people’s vocabulary and the crew members each proposes a different definition. One of them is right; it’s the audience’s job to guess which one.

And while I say it’s the milder of the three shows, Liar’s Club can have its moments. It makes for great laughs and you’ll even learn some new words to impress your friends when you get back home--if you can pronounce them.

Look for all three of these game shows in your ship’s newsletter.

P.S. In my 18 cruises, the best answer to “Where’s the most unusual place you’ve ‘done it’?” Hands down, “In a casket.”

 Photos by RJ Greenburg

 

What Terrifies the Cruise Director and Scares the Pants Off the Rest of Us

I think most of us would agree that people-watching is a pleasure of the highest order on a cruise. It provides endless amusement and fodder for conversation. The antics of The Quest, the shockers of Love and Marriage, the laughs of the Sexiest Man, and on and on.

But sometimes, watching what people do is positively bewildering. Please, please, please, don’t do this on a cruise:

Ask if you can do a backflip on the ice with the ice show’s star skater for the camera. Unless you want to see the cruise director grow pale with visions of lawsuits dancing in his head.

Pick up a wild iguana at the Crown Bay pier in Charlotte Amalie to show off for your friends.

Cute and cuddly?

Unless you want your fellow cruisers to spend the rest of their trip fighting off salmonella.

Be so “photoblivious” that you step in the middle of the street to take a photo and ignore the cars trying to pass around you. Unless you want to try out the Caribbean medical system.

Play dodge-the-hand sanitizer man. Unless you want to spend two days of your cruise throwing up and quarantined.

As the comedians say, “You can’t make this stuff up.” It all happened on my Allure of the Seas cruise just a few weeks ago.