The One Thing You Absolutely Must Know Before You Cruise

There’s a reason they tell you to always read the fine print.

I’ve had a reminder on my desk for a while now to renew my passport. Heck, I was in no rush; it wasn’t expiring until April.

Then last week, perusing Princess’ website to get psyched for my upcoming trip, I saw it—not in neon, but buried deep in the section for “Booked Passengers,” in the FAQ. It says: “Many countries require passports be valid for six months after the completion of your travel. Check your passport to verify it will be valid for this period of time.”

Huh?

I read the two sentences again. And again. My trip was in six weeks, but my passport was not expiring for four months. You’re telling me it’s not valid enough?

Confused, I searched “The Oracle,” my sister’s nickname for the Internet, and confirmed that most countries require that your passport be valid three to six months after you return home. I did a quick check—Princess, Celebrity and Royal Caribbean—probably to cover all the bases, require that your passport be valid six months from the day your trip ends. And this applies to trips to the Caribbean, as well as other parts of the world.

How could I have missed this after 13 cruises? One thing was clear, I couldn’t waste much time trying to figure it out—if I didn’t do something fast, I wasn’t getting on that ship!

I cannot understand why this rule is not displayed in red 30-point type all over the cruise line’s website and documentation, but, alas, it is not. So, I thought I’d spare you finding out the way I did by sharing this information. If you’ve got a trip coming up and your passport is expiring in less than six months from the day you come home, you have only two choices:

·         Update your passport right away—If you’re two weeks or less from your trip, you can pay extra to expedite it. If you’ve got more time, you can pay the regular fee ($110 and if you want it overnighted, another $12.85).

Here’s the process, assuming that all you’re doing is updating an expired passport (i.e., and haven’t lost the passport or changed your name):

1.    Fill out the application on the U.S. government website and print it out

2.    Get a new passport photo and staple it to the application. If you’re a Plus or Premier  AAA member, you can get the photo for free

3.    Include your expiring passport

4.     Attach a check

5.     Put all of the above in a large envelope and mail it to address on the government website

6.     Cross your fingers that you get the new one back in time

·         Get an original certified birth certificate—For travel to the Caribbean, in lieu of a passport, you can show a certified birth certificate and government-issued photo ID, such as a driver’s license. And if you're married, your marriage certificate. If you don’t happen to have your birth certificate, go to the website of the Department of Health and Human Services’ Bureau of Vital Statistics of the state where you were born. Somewhere on the site they’ll tell you a fast and easy (though not cheap) way to get it

I did both of the above for my upcoming trip. Now past the point of no return—we’re in the penalty phase—I’ll be quaking in my flip-flops every day until one of these comes in. Wish me luck!

 

You Know Them by the Brown Patch They Wear

These are the newbies—all decked out with sea sickness stuff and white as winter’s first snow.

My husband and I exchange a knowing smile when we see them, but not so long ago, that was us too. My spouse boarded his first cruise with more sea sickness remedies than CVS, the brown scopolamine patch among them.

But he didn’t use a thing.

I don’t have any data to back this up—only what people have told me—but it seems that sea sickness is the top—or at least, among the top—reasons that people who travel don’t cruise. A big part of this is the misconception about the amount of movement they’ll feel on the ship. Maybe that’s because for most of us, our experience of being on the water has been in a small motorboat, sailboat, rowboat, kayak or canoe—where even the smallest wake looks like a tidal wave.

I’m not going to say you never feel movement on a cruise ship. But these ships are so large and

Rough seas?

solidly built that unless you’re in or near a storm, the most you’ll feel is a gentle dip from side to side, from time to time. And if you’re doing the cruise right, you’ll be so distracted you won’t even notice.

The cruise lines want you to try their ships and come back again and again, so they work hard to make sure their guests are comfortable. That means building ships with stabilizers, changing their course to find the calmest waters and traveling at slow speeds.

Fear of boredom is another often-mentioned reason for not trying a cruise. I get this mostly from men. How either gender can get bored with basketball, swimming, ping pong, movies, lectures, spa, gambling, games and contests, ice sculpting demos, art auctions, bingo, bridge, board games, computer classes, cooking demos, galley tours, dancing lessons, singing, comedy, magicians, karaoke…is just beyond me. Then on some of Royal Caribbean’s ships,

Boredom?

throw in surfing, rock climbing, ice skating, zip lining and miniature golf, ice shows and water shows. On some of Celebrity’s, glass-blowing demos and lawn croquet.  

If all else fails, there’s sitting on the balcony with your favorite person, a glass of wine or mug of coffee, a good book and watching the world go by, one wave at a time.

And this is just what’s on the ships.

At the ports, you’ll find activities ranging from bus tours for the sedentary to parasailing for the adventure-seeking.

Crowds?

One of the reasons I stayed away from cruises for so long was terror at the thought of being stuck in the middle of the ocean with thousands of strangers. That there would be crowds everywhere I went. It’s true that at times, you are well aware that there are a few other people besides yourself on board. Particularly during the muster (safety) drill, or when trying to find a place to park yourself around the pool when it’s sunny, in the theater at night (go early!) or cafeteria on a sea day.

Holland America's signature dessert

But, it’s amazing how often you can be standing on one of the decks and be completely alone. Or find a nook or cranny no one else has discovered.

I saved my favorite cruise misconception for last. I’ve had more than one person—inevitably, a female—tell me they won’t take a cruise because there’s too much food. It’s hard to know what to say to this one. Food is one of life’s supreme pleasures. You’re on vacation—enjoy it!

 

 

Laugh Track

In case your cruise travel companions are not entertaining enough, fear not, the mass market cruise ships have a lot going on to keep you laughing from the day you board to the day you get off. 

First, there are the contests. You’ll often find a hairy legs or belly flop contest around the main pool, which gives five minutes of fame to some gregarious (and often inebriated) guys and laughs for the rest of us.

Often, the ships feature comedians as headliners for the evening entertainment, some of whom have been on television. Sometimes, the comedians will do additional special performances late at night, when the kids are safely asleep, and their humor can get more risqué.

Then there are the game shows, like the “Marriage Game.” Most of the major ships have some version of this takeoff on the '60s/'70s “Newlywed Game.” If you never saw it, here’s how it works: three couples who have been married different lengths of time are chosen from the audience. The men and women are separated and sequestered, and when they come back together, must guess how their spouses answered a variety of questions.

As you might surmise, the questions are about as provocative as you can get—ranging from “Where was the most unusual place you ‘did it’?” to “What’s your wife’s bra size?” and perhaps the most dicey one I’ve heard, “If your wife died, which of her friends or family would you marry?”

You don’t need alcohol to find the laughs during this often raucous event. But you will need to go early to get a seat—its reputation has spread, and the small theaters fill up quickly.

Aside from the formal entertainment, some of the cruise lines feature crew talent shows. While you may not at first glance think this is going get you giggling, you need to see one for yourself. On a recent Princess trip, we signed up for a galley (kitchen) tour and were surprised to see it kicked off with crew skits, emceed by an Eastern European who had us in stiches. We were almost disappointed to start the tour.

And while we’re on the subject of the crew, even some of the cruise directors think they’re comedians. Some are not so successful. Others, more so. Particularly when they share the wacked out things we cruisers say, like this one: “Does the crew sleep on board?”








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Making the Cruise Your Own

Every time I tell my mother I’m taking a Caribbean cruise, she asks the same thing, “Why do you like cruising so much?” Since I’m about to go on #13, you can imagine I’ve heard this quite a bit.

 It’s a fair question and I thought I’d attempt to answer it, and in the process, maybe convince some people flirting with the idea of cruising to give it a try. So, here goes:

·        You can make your cruise your own. You may be sharing space with a lot of other people, but your experience will be truly your own.  

You can spend the entire trip glued to a lounge chair by the pool, a novel resting on your navel, or holed up in your cabin living on (free!) room service.

Or, run from ping pong to basketball to pool Marco Polo. Play the slots, down some shots or comb the shops.

Dance ‘til dawn, karaoke with the crowd or flip channels on your stateroom TV.

It’s totally up to you.

·        It’s a great value. Do the math—plan a virtual trip on land and add up the cost of airfare, transportation to and from the hotel, rental car, hotel, food and entertainment. Then compare it to the cost of a cruise.

 

·        It’s the Caribbean. Around-the-year warmth, water so clear and blue that it seems almost unnatural, sand so soft it feels like talcum powder. What more needs to be said?

Table with a water view on HAL's Zuiderdam

·        It’s not flying. I’ve said this before. Boarding the ship generally takes minutes, not hours. There are no luggage restrictions—you can take whatever can fit in your little cabin. And you unpack just once. Your biggest responsibility every day is getting out of bed. And you don’t even really have to do that.
 

·        A water view everywhere, all the time. Some people go to great lengths to find a restaurant or hotel by the water. Think of it—on a cruise, you can have a water view at all three meals, and every time in between.

·        It’s stress-free travel. No searching for restaurants, running from one hotel to another, lugging luggage, navigating new streets. Cruising is the ultimate in relaxation. Partly because the cost of using a cell phone and Internet is so high, it forces you into detox.

All kidding aside, few experiences can match the serenity of sitting on your balcony, chilled white wine in hand, staring at the sea. We’ve fallen asleep out there so many times that “Want to sit on the verandah?” has come to mean “Want to take a nap?”

 

If I could sum it all up in one sentence, it would be this: it’s perhaps the only vacation where when it’s over, you don’t feel like you need another one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ice Skating on the Ocean

Want to go ziplining today? Ice skating tomorrow? Play croquet on the lawn the following day? Take a cruise!

Croquet by the sea

These are not excursion activities—you can do each one of these onboard a mainstream cruise ship. The cruise lines keep pumping out new and bigger ships—trade association CLIA reports that in 2012, 12 new ships were launched with 17,774 additional beds.
 

A rocky climb to a higher deck

With all these extra beds to fill, the cruise lines keep trying to outdo themselves with new ways to vie for vacationers. It’s not enough these days to just have port stops, private islands, all the food you could want, multiple pools, lectures, contests, shows and comedians, libraries, Internet cafes, entertainment everywhere all the time, dance lessons, cooking demos, TVs in every stateroom, shops, art auctions, bingo games…



The innovations are good news for you and me—it means there’s always a new “wow” right around the corner. And there are already plenty of wows to keep us captivated right now. See if you can match up the following activities with one of these cruise lines—Celebrity, Royal Caribbean, Princess or Holland America (answers are at the bottom):

Making a splash on the wave machine

1.  Ziplining
2. Outdoor movie theater
3. Ice skating rink
4. Lawn croquet
5. Carousel
6. Indonesia tea ceremony
7. Surfing
8. Glass-blowing demos
9. Rock-climbing

Royal Caribbean has some novelties about to debut this November on the new 167,800-ton Quantum of the Seas. Bumper cars and a sky-diving simulator are only two of the coming attractions for the thrill-seeking set. If you've never cruised before because you're worried you'll get bored, you might want to think again!

Answers to quiz above:
1) Royal Caribbean; 2) Princess; 3) Royal Caribbean; 4) Celebrity; 5) Royal Caribbean; 6) Holland America; 7) Royal Caribbean; 8) Celebrity; 9) Royal Caribbean

 

 

 

 

Of Mattress Pads and Empty Fridges



An appetizer on Celebrity's Equinox

There have been times in the main dining room that an appetizer has overshadowed the main dish and I wished I had a bit more of that tapas-sized tease.

Then on a blog one day, someone suggested that if you want an entrée-sized appetizer, the ships will do that.

There are quite a lot of things the ships will do for you if you simply ask. After all, they’re in the people-pleasing business and—within reason, of course—they’re often willing to accommodate. They just don’t advertise this, for obvious reasons.

Here are a few of the other things I’ve asked for and received over the years:

·       Padding the mattress—Perhaps Princess wants to get as much mileage out of its mattresses as possible, or they think we’re a nation of bad backs. Their mattresses are hard. Since they’re not about to change the beds, they’ve stocked their ships with pads that are available on request

·       Less of a cover up—I’ll never understand why the ships all line their beds with heavy duvets in the Caribbean. I don’t know about you, but the idea of sweating all day and all night isn’t particularly appealing. However, there is a solution—one of the first things we ask our room steward for on Day 1 is a thin blanket

·       Cold and cheap—The mini-fridge in the cabins on every ship are designed, of course, to increase your spend by tempting you with treats only an outstretched arm away. But on some ships, if you ask your room steward nicely, he will empty the frig of those $8 peanuts and $6 M&Ms to make room for what you squirreled away from the cafeteria. Which brings me to my next topic—

 

·       Takeout—I don’t know why, but I was always a bit shy about carrying food from the cafeteria. Until I saw others doing it. Even with food available somewhere nearly all the time, it’s still nice to have a few nibbles in your room in case you want something with your wine on the verandah. Think nuts and raisins from the salad bars, cheese and crackers from lunch, or cookies for coffee later. I’ve even started bringing my stainless steel coffee mug on board to keep me caffeinated between meals

·       Wine and water—If you bring your own wine (be sure to check cruise line BYO policies—they all differ), you can ask your room steward for wine glasses. And if you want water and/or ice every day, you’ll need to ask for that as well (some of the lines give you one or the other without asking)

 

·       Wine and cheese—If you order a bottle of wine at dinner and don’t want to drink the whole thing at one sitting, your waiter will keep it for you for the following day. One woman who sat at the next table from us on one trip brought her own supply of cheese onboard, had the waiter hold onto it, and it appeared at her place every night on schedule 

·       Not your neighborhood restaurant —On land, you wouldn’t ask for a second entrée unless you were prepared to pay for it, so many of us wouldn’t think of asking for one in the cruise ship dining room. But if you’re not happy with your meal—or even if you just want to try something else on the menu—the dining rooms are okay with that. They’ll even sometimes grant your wish for something not on the menu. One person I know asked and received a dish from the menu of a few days back

Dessert plus on Celebrity's Constellation

 

·      The final scoop—One of our favorite treats is topping that dessert with ice cream—every day. We wouldn’t dare do it at home, but hey, we’re on vacation.  The waiters don’t generally offer; again, you have to ask

Hope this gave you one or two tips to make your cruise just a bit more comfy and indulgent. If you’ve had success with a request of your own, please fill us in!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caribbean Crafts by Way of China

It was my third Caribbean cruise before I wised up. We were in St. Kitts—a small, not very touristy island with only a few places to interest the shopper. In one of these, I spotted a cute little journal with a banana leaf cover. I bought it quickly, in case we wouldn’t be back and I’d never see it again.

Don’t you know I saw that same notebook again and again in nearly every port we visited since then?

Shopping for mementos in the Caribbean islands can bring on a serious case of déjà vu for which the only cure is keeping your money in your wallet.

I’m not talking here about artwork—it’s easy to find high-end paintings and sculptures by local artists. I’m referring to the kind of small locally made products that make great gifts for friends and family, or to remind you of your trip.

It’s sad that local crafts are nearly extinct. I’d like to think it was because the locals have found better ways to earn a living. But one look at the markets in St. Lucia or Nassau and one can easily see this is not so. It’s just that crafts have been replaced by cheap just-change-the-name-of-the-island souvenirs made by low-wage workers many miles away.

There are a few places you can still find a bit of authenticity or at least souvenirs unusual enough so you won’t see them in every port. Here are the ones I’ve found so far:

 ·       Barbados—Within a short walk from the cruise terminal (there’s a walkway along the water) in Bridgetown, the island’s capital, is the Pelican Village Craft Centre, a cluster of shops selling locally made crafts. I’ve bought purses and portfolios of bamboo, dolls with brightly colored outfits and figurines made from wood and wire



·       Dominica—Besides boasting of a beautiful compact harbor surrounded by lush green mountains, and a town punctuated with vibrant tropical flowers, Dominica also makes its own straw items from larouma reeds and balizier leaves, such as baskets, wall hangings, sun hats and the like


Making baskets in Dominica's harbor market

These are different than what you’ll see in Nassau, Bahamas, which are fine if you don’t mind the island name blazoned across the top in 72-point type. Dominica’s baskets are subdued and look great on everything from a cocktail table to a bureau

Straw baskets for sale in downtown Roseau



·       Aruba—Artisans take buds from the Mopa Mopa tree, turn them into resin, add color and use the substance to decorate wooded animals, boxes, masks and all sorts of other pieces. There are only three shops on the island that sell Mopa Mopa art, one of which is in downtown Oranjestad, Aruba’s capital and port for the cruise lines. More artwork than knickknacks, these pieces don’t come cheap but they make unique souvenirs and gifts. You can even get something as small as a bookmark, which is fairly inexpensive

If you’re on the hunt for local crafts on some of the other Caribbean islands, there are a few shops that still sell them, but sometimes you have to look pretty hard to find them. Charlotte Amalie in Bridgetown, St. Thomas has its Native Arts and Crafts Cooperative right downtown. But in St. Kitts’ Basseterre, we had to walk quite a ways down the main shopping street away from the center of town to find a small unassuming shop with products locally made. Warning: this was several years ago, so I don’t know if the place still exists.

Hope I gave you a few useful tips for the next time you’re treasuring hunting in the Caribbean. If you do come up empty, you can always fall back on the one product surely locally made, and everywhere, always welcome—rum!

Found something really special that I missed? Please fill me in!

 

 

Don't Leave it Behind

One of the things I love about cruising is that it’s not flying. No luggage restrictions!

Anyone who’s agonized about what to take on a trip will appreciate this. Can’t decide between the blue blouse or the red one? Take both! Can’t fit your pillow into the suitcase? Take a bigger one!

That you can take whatever you can fit into your cabin means you can get creative. You can take those extra things that will make your stay in your little cubbyhole that much more tolerable.

Here’s my list of must-haves, accumulated over the years:

·       Oversized digital clock with alarm—For whatever reason, the cabins have no clock. If you want to make that Pilates class at 7 a.m., this will be nice to have around. And a big one can be seen from nearly anywhere in the cabin (sad, isn’t it?)
 

·       Hanging organizer—Mind you, there are some cabins where this won’t work because the closets are too small. But Princess ship closets are bigger than the one I have at home and easily accommodate an organizer. As a matter of fact, we take two. I use mine for shoes but my spouse uses it for his seemingly endless supply of electronic paraphernalia

·       Noise machine—If you’re in the disco until 2 a.m., you might want one of these to be able to sleep through the kids running down the hallways or people heading for the pool as the sun’s coming up

 

·       “Duck” tape—I get teased for continuing my error (but there actually is such a thing), but the it-will-do-everything tape comes in handy to close blinds when you want to nap, fix holes in suitcases that weren’t there before boarding, and have been known to keep up a hem or two

·       White board—Spouse is still asleep when you go off to that Pilates class? Let him know where you’re going where he can’t miss it

·       Walkie-talkies—These are invaluable when you and your traveling companions want to go your separate ways. Just be sure you know their range before you buy

Have anything to add to this list? Do share!